Tempus fugit

Haven’t had a decent chinwag on here since the last one… Many things have happened in my little bubble and the great blue yonder, namely the world’s mourning of the great Tata Madiba; Nelson Mandela. Possibly one of the best and most honest response I read after his passing was this: Mandela will never, ever be your minstrel.  http://www.okwonga.com/?p=869  If you’ve paid even a passing glance at a few of my posts you would know my aversion to nostalgia and ever more so, historical revisionism. 

I am day/s away from booking my ticket back to Aotearoa in February. I will endeavour to visit my friends and also bully my aunties into accompanying me home to the family farm up north.  Their eldest sister has Alzheimer’s and it is progressing as these things do and soon she may not remember her younger sisters. So I’m taking them to see her.  If I don’t it will invariably be too late.  Many women I know and particularly these two relatives, tend to put everyone else and external demands first, their own needs barely rate a footnote.  Here cometh TX the taniwha, to scare them into putting themselves and their selfless, ailing sister first.  

Going out to Xmas catch ups with friends, getting drunk, going to weddings, meeting Elvez, the Mexican Elvis, reading heaps and downloading more TV shows than my hard drive can fathom has been the cultural highlights package of this, the business end of the year. In amongst it it all I’ve also managed to acquire a few more obsessions and thus, still have a tangible reason for leaving my bed… I like it when the idea I have of someone as a personality is wildly exceeded by the reality and force of their wairua. In conjunction with this happenstance I may have finally begun to forgive myself for some long ago transgressions, a mark on my soul that has finally been given the chance to heal.  I will see if this is an authentic moment of growth or if I slip and grapple with the troubling nature of being a partially functional mortal.  If the battle within causes a reversion then I will have to fight harder, to forgive myself again, now that I am finally, finally able to try and let myself be what it is I am, and be less anxious about this truth.

 

I fear this has been a rather self reflexive post full of unassailable issues only I can temper.  I think I should cheer you up now, if you’ve made it this far…

 

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